Eager to start a family so you can buy a smart home of your own? Well, fear not dear single readers, as there are a litany of apps that can help you get back on the dating horse without even having to get out of your bed or designated crying area.
Choosing Your Dating App
There is no shortage of dating apps available on the various online marketplaces, with most of them letting you swipe right or left to choose who fits your lofty relationship standards. Tinder is arguably the most popular, although some have designated it an application for “casual encounters,” and you certainly don’t want that. Bumble adds an interesting twist, as the ladies must send the first message after a match, saving men like me the trouble of starting the conversation with, “Please don’t let me die alone.” Hinge, a fairly new addition to the list, has the distinction of charging for its service, which is perfect for anyone ignorant enough to actually spend money to find their one true love. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There’s also Badoo, Grindr, Coffee Meets Bagel, Blendr, Hornet, Hot or Not, Twoo, and, for the classier crowd, Bang City. Choose wisely, as each application is the potential doorway to your future love life. Or just download them all; that works pretty well, too.
Creating Your Dating Profile
Once you’ve downloaded your app of choice, you’re going to need to create a public profile. Remember that the profile picture is the very first thing your possible future spouse will see. Choose an image that perfectly showcases who you are and how you can be beneficial as a mate. My image, for example, shows me holding a pair of nunchucks in one hand and a package of diapers in the other. The nunchucks inform potential partners that I have the physical skills to defend a home, while the diapers convey that I am not above the pressures of fatherhood. To fit this theme, my profile description simply says, “Prepared for action and children.” It hasn’t gotten much in the way of responses, but I imagine that’s simply a glitch in the app’s system.
And now it’s time to meet your ideal spouse! Now, remember, you’re looking for somebody that has the exact same interests as you, will immediately shower you with affection, and gets paid enough at their job to help support you when you get fired for using dating apps all day at work. It shouldn’t take too long to fill these criteria, but make sure to allot at least 15 minutes of swiping time in your search for eternal tenderness.