Whether it be your childhood rival, your disapproving aunt-in-law, or that Subway employee that kicked me out for putting soda in a water cup, everyone has an enemy, and even enemies receive gifts this time of year. And so, here are the gifts you should get if you feel like passive-aggressively telling someone you don’t like them without showing up to the holiday party empty handed.
Do you have a tech-savvy rival that you’re trying to insult in a subtle manner? Then might I suggest ClickStick, the very first “smart deodorant” in the world. Funded on Kickstarter, ClickStick inspired over 1,000 perspiring backers to shell out $65,172 to complete the project. So not only will you insult your enemy’s odor, you’ll also make them realize someone actually raised tens of thousands of dollars for deodorant while they’ve done nothing with their lives.
A Subscription to Crackle
Streaming services are all the rage these days. And, while there will undoubtedly be subscriptions to Hulu and Netflix stuffing stockings this year, why not be a little bit more original with a subscription to the often-forgotten Crackle? While everyone else is binge watching Orange is the New Black and The Handmaid’s Tale, your enemy can enjoy such Crackle originals as Rob Riggle’s Ski Master Academy and Joe Dirt 2: Beautiful Loser. As an added bonus, since Crackle is completely free, you won’t even need to pay for this particular spiteful gift.
Galaxy Note 7
As with any holiday season, smartphones will be a hot commodity for young and old alike. However, the newest models can often be expensive, so many gift-givers often opt for an older model rather than the latest and shiniest. And so, I suggest the Galaxy Note 7 as the perfect present for your enemy. Because the model is outdated, the user will be unable to download Android 9.0 Pie, the latest update for the phone, which will undoubtedly result in mild frustration. Oh, and rampant battery issues caused numerous Galaxy Note 7 explosions, resulting in the model being recalled. (Side note: In order to determine if giving this gift constitutes manslaughter, I suggest consulting your legal counsel before purchase.)
A Copy of WIRED
Gifting an inferior magazine will undoubtedly make your enemy jealous of Residential Tech Today readers such as yourself.